"My husband and I argue over having sex. It all
starts off with him explaining we don't do it enough. At the end of his lecture, I concede
and say "Okay lets go do it now." He then tells me "No, forget it." I
just can't seem to please him."
"We lay in bed at night, and he asks me...
"You want to fool around?" I say... "If you want to." He gets mad and
rolls over to go to sleep. I just don't understand!
"He embarrasses me at the store gawking at the
women. I nudge him or tell him... "Like you'd stand a chance mister, unless of course
she likes men with balding hair and a beer belly!"
Do one of these situations sound familiar at all? Chances
are, you have been in one if not all of them. You have thrown your hands up in the air,
and given up trying to understand why he acts and responds in presumably irrational
mannors.
Introducing the male ego
The male ego is not as much a macho image as one would come
to suspect. Not saying of course there are not males or situations that occur that can
validate the assertive male. For some males, there are times he could care less how women
feel about him, or what's on their mind, as long as she is a willing receptacle for his
release.
To understand what is happening here, we first need to come
to realize that each sex has different needs. What he needs, and what she needs are
usually two separate things. Sex for men and women also mean two different things, and to
meet each of their expectations requires that you know what they are.
A male needs sexual release upper and
foremost. This is just plain raw sex, and he doesn't care where it comes from. He doesn't
understand it entirely himself, but his body is pumping chemicals to his brain to cause a
driving need for sexual release. This "need" is as real as his requirement for
food, and his appetite. He also needs to know that he has "what it takes" to
make women want him. This confirms his self image of being attractive, desirable,
powerful, and able to satisfy the woman's sexual needs. He feels more of a man for it.
Depending on how hungry he really is, will determine if this second "need" is
all that important. In other words, if it's been a long time since his last release, or if
his body is pumping more of those signals than he can handle, his body will tell his
ego... "we can by-pass the self assurances in exchange for the release."
A woman must accept his sexual desire as a real need, just
as she accepts the fact he needs to eat. Secondly, she must understand that he needs to
feel desired, that she too wants sex just as much as he does. To make it work, sometimes
might require a little acting or even a white lie on her behalf. Even if she does not feel
like having sex, just convincing him that she does is enough. So when a male asks for, or
initiates sex, and the female's response is more out of duty than a mutual desire, do not
be surprised when he pulls back. His ego needs to be stroked. Act as if you want sex,
and/or him just as much if not more, and he will purr like a kitten having had his ego
stroked. If he does not get this from you, have no doubt in time he will go looking for
someone who will, regardless of the risks or at what cost.
Females require a feeling of closeness. A
woman puts her faith in knowing he cares for her by his willingness to help, and care for
her. This requirement is not necessarily directly related to sex at all, but rather doing
things for her such as cleaning the house, or anything to help make her life easier. It
can also mean having to share with her your secrets and thoughts. Give her your time, your
attention and affection. Once a women feels close to you, or that they have developed a
relationship, only then will most women truly desire to please you. Men must accept that
women look at sex entirely different than they do, and must meet her needs before they can
expect a mutual appetite for sex.
